My friend Cheryl began adding to her Bucket List this week and wondered what others had added to theirs. I told her in my very worst snot-nosed-brat voice that I don't have a Bucket List and don't plan to have a Bucket List. I simply must do a better job of keeping my mouth shut. Or at least moderating my tone.
I don't want to start a Bucket List for a few reasons. The first being, I'm not a huge fan of thinking about my mortality. Not that I think I'll live forever in this body on earth. Thank God that's not the case. It's just too sentimental for this mama's heart. So there's that.
While I do like the idea of planning adventures to do before we die, I get lost in the grandiose and forget to focus on the smallest details. And that's really the main reason why I don't have a compilation of hopes and aspirations. I've been to England, France, Italy and Switzerland. I've visited the islands of the Caribbean. I have ziplined, parasailed, water skied, tubed and jetskied.I've had babies at home and in the hospital. I have driven crazy long distances. I have laughed and cried and have done once-in-a-lifetime. And they were all fantastic.
When I dream of taking my husband to Japan for a month so he can enjoy first hand what he finds endlessly intersting, I forget to look at him and love him right now. When I wonder what it would be like to take my daughters away for significant birthdays, the years have mentally passed and I overlook the joy in their play and thoughts today. When I imagine my son graduating high school, the last child to fly the coop, I forget that my home will be empty of all their beautiful faces.
Sure, I want to travel and play and try and do more with my family. Yes, I want to learn to paint and how to edit photos. I'd love to be able to take my mom to Venice and go fly fishing with my dad. But what I really want is to love them all right now, in the miniscule details of everyday life, amidst the clutter of homework and dishes and parties and practices.
My bucket list is, instead of being large and wild, a hope to shine a microscope of attention of each of the important people in my life. Right now. Today.
LOVE it. :) I totally "get" it.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I'm actually tearing up.
ReplyDeletexo,
SL
I completely get what you're saying, and I don't have bucket lists, either, but maybe for different reasons (like not wanting to set myself up for disappointment).
ReplyDeleteBut (you knew there was a "but" coming, right?) as I read your post I had this thought: There's something really beautiful about knowing and loving your husband so much, right there in Tulsa, that you can imagine transferring that love to Japan. And there's something exciting (as well as sad) about imagining the daughters you love today and the evolved relationship you'll have with them a decade from now—the ways you'll be able to relate and enjoy one another that are different from right now.
So yes, celebrate the moment. Immerse yourself in it. But don't be afraid to see how the moment is tied to something new down the road.
Kristin, you are right. Of course the love I have for all of them transcends time and moves us forward. BUT, (I had to have my own) I get caught up in the pursuit that I neglect the today. I want to remember to stand still today and see them. And dream of Japan.
ReplyDelete